Follow

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

I’M SORRY, BUT I NEVER APOLOGIZE



I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!!

English is a funny language.  For instance, we have many oxymorons.  An oxymoron is not a stupid bovine.  It is a phrase in which two or more words of contradictory meaning are used together, such as in the title of this post.  You probably say them all the time.  Here are some examples:

Clearly misunderstood
Exact estimate
Small crowd
Pretty ugly
Only choice
Act naturally
Found missing
Fully empty
Seriously funny
Original copies
Military intelligence
Government organization
Business ethics
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Congressional ethics
Airline Food
Absolutely, positively NOT!!

And the mothers of them all:
Happily married
President Trump

Yogi Berra was known for his many oxymorons, but I think these two were his best:

No one goes there anymore - it's always too crowded.

If my father was alive to hear that, he'd turn over in his grave.


And since the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, here's a quote from his son:

Our similarities are different. 


But I think Samuel Goldwyn of MGM movies out-Berrad Berra.  Here are some of his best:

If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

Color television!! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.

Don't pay any attention to the critics; don't even ignore them.

Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't go see it. 

When told a script was full of old clichés: Let's have some new clichés.

Tell them to stand closer apart.

I read part of it all the way through.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.

Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.

The next time I send a damn fool for something, I’ll go myself.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Destroy the old files, but make copies first.

I paid too much for it, but it’s worth it.

I was always an independent, even when I had partners.

I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.
























When you write, there are two things to remember.  One is to be more or less specific & the 
other is don't be redundant by repeating yourself----fishducky

 


Monday, August 21, 2017

THINGS THAT MAY MAKE YOU MORE BEAUTIFUL BUT PROBABLY WON'T





1. These camel toe guards.



For when you don’t want the world do know that you have a vulva. Apparently they’re sported by the one and only Kim K.

2. And from the same brand, here’s some pubic hair dye.




Clearly, the most pressing question here is why purple is the only color deemed “sexy” from this selection. Who made the executive decision that pubes are most sexy when purple?

3. This face-slimmer.


This entirely innocent-looking mouthpiece supposedly slims your face down by working the muscles around your jaw.

4. A 24k gold face mask.


Peter Thomas Roth / LookFantastic / Via lookfantastic.com
For when you want to look like King Homer. Yours for just £55.00.

5. But if £55 for a tub of gold to smear on to your face is a bit too dear, you can get these gold eye masks for just 99p.



eBay / Via ebay.co.uk


Supposedly consisting of 24k gold and collagen.

6. In fact, face mask sheets in general are real popular right now.


But they are apparently really good, so like ¯\_()_/¯.

7. This totally pious beauty kit.


Blue Q / Amazon / Via amazon.com
Unfortunately no longer in stock, presumably as the result of God’s wrath. However, you can still add them to your Amazon wishlist and hope for their miraculous return.

8. Genital dye.


My New Pink Button / Via mynewpinkbutton.com
Are you tired of your sexual partners shrieking in disgust and horror at your beige labia? No? Well, you should be. Start by paying money to smear pink chemical dyes  all over your genitals
.

9. Bumhole bleach.


IKB / Amazon / Via amazon.co.uk
But what good is a perfectly pink vagina to you if your bumhole doesn’t match? Good news that the market has foreseen this and provided you, the consumer, with much-needed bumhole bleach. Buy it for the low, low price of £5.11.

10. Evian Mineral Water Spray.


Superdrug / Via superdrug.com
Literally just water in a spray can, for when you can’t be bothered to drink. Just let the water absorb through your skin. Act like the single cell microbe that you are. Only £5.99 to perform osmosis.

11. A spoon specifically designed to scrape out the last bit of your products.


Beauty Spoon / Via beautyspoon.com
Do you hate wasting products, but don’t want to just use any old flat, long and thin object to scoop out the last remnants of your foundation? Well then, this is the product for you.

12. This nose-straightening clip.


Amazon / SodaCoda / Via amazon.co.uk
This friendly gadget straightens your nose and prevents you from breathing, all in one! Have a straight nose, or die trying.

13. This sleeping mask.


Amazon / SodaCoda / Via amazon.co.uk
Not a ridiculous or original concept in and of itself, save for the fact it makes you look like you fused bodies with a fly. You can get it here.

14. This chin-slimming strap.


Ewin24 / Amazon / Via amazon.co.uk


Mould your doughy face into a more appealing doughy face.

15. Placenta moisturizing cream.


ReBirth / Amazon / Via amazon.co.uk
Why waste perfectly good sheep innards when you can rub them into your skin?

16. And of course, the CandyLipz lip plumper.


CandyLipz / Amazon / Via amazon.co.uk
Why settle for thin lips when you can have luscious, bruised, and swollen lips instead? And for just under £50!

17. And, for the men, colored shaving cream.



Firebox / Via firebox.com



This is a shaving cream, except unlike normal shaving cream, it comes in different colors. Also, it has an “invigorating and reassuringly masculine” scent. This way, you can have fun and be reassured about your masculinity while shaving!!
(buzzfeed UK)